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EXCERPTS FROM
D.J. WESSLER'S INTERVIEW WITH GRETCHEN DUKOWITZ GD: Tell me your coming out story. How did you realize you were gay? When did you come out? DJW: I'm not sure when, exactly, I first realized I was gay; it took me years to truly admit it to myself, much less anyone else. Suffice to say I know I was never straight! I was 11 when I had my first serious crush -- he was one of my fifth-grade classmates, and he was sighted. ... I didn't tell anyone I was gay ... until (the age of sixteen). I became best friends with a local comic book artist who had taken an interest in my sculpture, and was thrilled when I learned he was gay. He really became a mentor to me. ... If it hadn't been for him, I don't think I would have made it all those years. What was sad about our friendship is how, because he was living as an openly gay adult man, everyone naturally assumed he was also some kind of sexual predator out to get me. It wasn't that way at all. ... He was very protective of me. GD: When and how did you tell your parents? What were their reactions? DJW: It was my adult artist friend who convinced me to tell my mother. I was scared out of my mind, but she was great about the whole thing. She cried a lot, but I think it was more from the thought of my ending up alone than any shame or homophobia. Parents always want the most and best for their children, and having a child with a disability is probably upsetting enough. Mom and I were always close -- she's my best friend to this day, thank God -- but sex is a subject that's very hard for her to talk about. Mothers don't like the idea of their little boys thinking about sex, much less having sex. If only they knew! I told my Dad years later. ... He was OK with it, but by then I was an adult and I think Mom had secretly told him. The best reaction I got was from my younger brother ... He was only 12 when I told him I was gay, to which he replied, "No wonder you're so talented!" I think it goes to show how attitudes towards gays and lesbians have changed these last few years, at least outside the Bush administration! GD: A lot of queer youth are lonely and feel isolated growing up gay. Did you feel that way? If you did, why did you feel that way? DJW: "Did I ever" would be an understatement. It's difficult to be excluded on two fronts -- to be gay AND handicapped seriously limits your social life. Growing up, I was in a lot of programs for the blind, but I went to a public high school like everyone else. People were friendly to me, but it was all in a polite, superficial way. Because I was "The Blind Kid", I was never bullied or got into any fights. But I was also kept at a distance and made few real friends. GD: What's the biggest challenge and/or frustration you face being young, queer, and disabled? DJW: Being the master of my own destiny -- an ambitious way of saying that I want to live my own life, as free and independently as possible. People are intimidated by the thought of dating someone who is disabled; they fear they'll have to play the dual role of partner and caretaker. In some ways, that's true; it's impossible for me to be completely independent. But I'm a human being. I can make my own contribution to the world, to a job, AND to a relationship! GD: In your opinion, what's the biggest misconception that able-bodied people have about disabled people? DJW: That we're completely helpless, and have nothing better to do than sit in an empty room feeling sorry for ourselves. GD: Can you give one specific example/anecdote of how you've been discriminated against by the disability community? DJW: For all the "official" social gatherings I've attended that were sponsored by organizations catering to the blind, not once has the issue of sexual orientation been addressed. Even romance and sex are discussed only superficially. It's like reading the pages of a Boy Scout manual. GD: Can you give one specific example/anecdote of how you've been discriminated against/felt left out by the LGBT community? DJW: I'm surprised by the amount of venom and condescension within the LGBT community. We (the disabled) are viewed as hopelessly pathetic, and God help us if we try the same venues -- clubs, bars, etc. -- that "normal" gays & lesbians use to meet people. We're either laughed at or viewed with unalterable pity. GD: What's the one thing you would like to tell the disability community, or the one thing you'd like them to know? DJW: Wake up and smell the 21st Century! It's not a crime to be gay, and it certainly isn't a crime to address gay issues in an open, proactive forum. God won't smite any of us for it, no matter what Pat Robertson says. GD: What's the one thing you would like to tell the gay community, or the one thing you'd like them to know? DJW: You know how they say blind guys have an acute sense of touch? Well...put that in a sexual context and think about it! |
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